I haven’t written anything for myself in a long time. I could just say “life got in the way” but that would be a lie. More truthfully, life gave me much more than I was able to put into words.
For a writer, the writing of something is what makes it real. Life manifests when we’re forced to take our hectic and hazy mess of thought and turn it into something concrete, into words.
And lately I found that I couldn’t land on the right words. Maybe I didn’t want to face turning my thoughts into something real.
And then, the longer I waited, the more I perused the Internet these past couple of months, the more I started to feel that words were empty. Maybe it’s all the listicles.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve written them too. But why do we need to package things in lists and make the human experience fit neatly into categories? Life isn’t like that. It’s not organized into nice little lists, as much as we would like it to be- and as much as those listicles would like to make it seem.
You can Google 5 Steps to Get Your Dream Job or 10 Songs to Get You Through a Breakup, but all you’ll find is words. Nailing the interview or moving past the pain? There are no steps for that. It’s all just you, living.
You can make a new year’s resolution, but until you turn it into action, it’s empty. You can apologize for your mistakes, but until you change your ways, it’s just words. You can say you learned a lesson, but unless you apply it to the way you’re living, you haven’t really learned much of anything at all.
Resolutions made, mistakes, lessons learned- it’s all just life. It’s messy and it’s complicated. Sometimes it can be put into words, but it’s never, ever simple. That’s why the words we choose ARE important, and why we shouldn’t take them lightly.
I’m determined to put meaning back into my words, to turn my hazy thoughts into something concrete, into real actions. So where should I start?
My goals, and my words, are simple.
I want to embrace the changes in my life.
I want to choose the things that will bring happiness, regardless of the opinions and approval of others, the difficulty of the task ahead or the level of uncertainty that will accompany new things.
I want to take the inconvenient route if that one will bring the most joy, but I don’t overlook life’s simple pleasures.
I want to make sure I never take the good times for granted.
And I want to take every chance I get to say ‘I love you.’
Here’s to hoping this is more than just words, and that I can get my words to mean something again- even if just to me.